Idea gotten from The Hostess
I googled Soul Mate and found:
Soul mates are protected by the omnipresence of God at any given time and all disputes that ever might arise are dissolved and cleared by God directly, instantly and eternally. reunited soul mates - even in their physical body - are permanently linked with their partner and God in a triangular way and have their eternal roots in God.
All divine details will automatically be revealed to both at the given time - when both are ready and spiritually mature to love all and behave in a divine way here on earth as a result of mutual spiritual progress.
Since last week I have been trying to blog about my belief that God has us covered. That situations have been worked out in ways that show God’s involvement and care.
I am not implying that a dispute in a relationship implies God isn’t present or that the relationship isn’t blessed. I have asked God to be in control of our relationship, I have prayed that he keep us in his will. In pr-marital we also have prayed that God show us.
This draft post was titled “My Heart Was Prepared”
I have two very bad child cousins. Their parents, grandparents, great grandmother, aunts and uncles sit and watch them destroy. It drives my mother crazy and as a result she will rarely have anything in her home. By the time she has to tell them to stop doing whatever it is, she is hot.
My mother told me I should not welcome kids to our wedding and reception because they would disrupt and be bored. I believe she was thinking about those two cousins. I didn’t care either way, so I was planning an adult only affair. One of my cousins (the mother of the bad child) asked if kids were welcome and I said no. I heard the disappointment in her voice as she told me she would see what she could figure out for that holiday weekend. This cousin was my child hood roll dog.
Last month one of my sorority sisters started a discussion on kids at weddings. She was trying to decide whether to invite them. It seemed like the majority including me was against inviting them, the minority being mostly the mothers.
One of my sorority sisters wrote this:
A wedding is an honored family tradition and if the parents raised their children correctly they would be welcome.
But how can we raise our culture to have respect for this tradition if children don’t witness the solemn pageantry that is so symbolic and meaningful? With so many “shack-ups” being the norm, the wedding that YOU are planning may be the last one the kid has an opportunity to witness. Perhaps designated hostesses could be charged with the responsibility of keeping the durn kids from walking on the chairs or flopping into the cake. Children are bombarded with all sorts of antifamily and anti religious messages these day. Please don’t rob them of the opportunity to witness a powerful visual and religious image.
Nevertheless, I think whether or not children are invited to a wedding, should be based solely on the bride and groom’s preference
Her words had an effect on me. I had been thinking about my wedding. I was focused on not wanting our cake knocked over (still don’t) and having no one cry or be a kid during our vows. I had not considered all the weddings I had gone to as a child. All my older cousins that had a wedding, I was there. My image of weddings and marriage was shaped when I was a child.
I remember figthing, running, jumping at every wedding reception I went to as a kid. I was happy to see my other kid cousins. I was happy to mingle with my older relatives. During the ceremony I was always well behaved, I understood what was going on. Even at 5 I knew the day was special and meant something.
A week or so after that email discussion my guy told me why it was important to him that his kid cousins come to our wedding, he reiterated what my soror had said (he didn’ know about the discussion). When he said it my heart had already been prepared to recieve. I happily said okay and silently reflected that God had caused my guy to wait until my heart had changed.
Had he told me what he wanted before that I would have said yes but I would have felt like I was compromising. I tell you when Noel Jones said a relationship is about compatibility not compromise, it was like a strong wind blew over me. I realized we agree in our relationship, not compromise.
I’ve been reading your blog for quite sometime soror and this blog moved me to respond.
For sometime now, I’ve just assumed that kids would be at my wedding. Almost everyone in in my close circle of friends and cousins have children, so not to allow children would seem kind of selfish on my part. But, I never thought of the aspectof showing children the importance of marriage. You’ve given me a new perspective.
I’m a firm believer that kids act out based on lack of home training AND being bored out of the minds. With good planning, you can at least address one of the twol There are plenty of kid-friendly things you can incorporate to keep the kids occupied so they won’t be tempted by the cake - coloring books, games, kids-only tables situated away from the cake, but close enough for their parents to keep an eye. Also, incorporating the menu with kid’s food will help them feel included - the wedding I went to this week even included sparkling punch or milk in champagne glasses for the toast.
Comment by TQL — April 28, 2006 @ 5:30 pm
That statement is so true, and you don’t even realize it until it’s directly said to you. Kids really DO need to see the weddings of people they know and/or can relate to to learn the value and importance of marriage.
Like you, I went to lot’s of weddings as a kid. I was even a flower girl in one or two. Some of them would allow kids for the wedding, but not the reception (I was always a bit salty at that when I was younger), but I can see the reasoning for that now.
Go with your gut. I agree with you that the kids should come and participate in what will be your BEAUTIFUL wedding, but it’s still not too much to ask that the parents try to keep them under control. =)
Comment by Sunnchine — April 28, 2006 @ 7:42 pm
Wow. This made me re-think my stance. I compare this to allowing yournger siblings to enjoy the hoopla that’s made when the older kids go off to college. I remember my step-brother watching in awe as I got all the new stuff to go off the college. And he admits that this gave him greater interest in college. Plus he saw how important everyone took it and it made it more important for him–as his mom’s family isn’t always ones to value education.
Also, does this apply to funerals? I’ve never seen a child act out at a funeral. Even the baddest ones. I wonder why.
Comment by Teh Hostess — April 28, 2006 @ 7:46 pm
Well, can there be a daycare room at the reception like they have at chuuuch??
Comment by Beloved — April 28, 2006 @ 10:09 pm
That soror’s comment about children needing to witness the actual ceremony of a wedding was deep! I hadn’t thought about it that way at all. You are both right in that children do need to see our traditions and rituals.
Your blog is great and keeps my romantic spirit hopeful. One day I will meet someone whom I love as much as you love your guy!
Comment by Christina — April 28, 2006 @ 10:43 pm
I think your soror’s comment about children viewing a wedding was profound and true. Your day will be a fantastic example of a wedding. But…what they need to view is a MARRIAGE far more than a wedding. What is one day filled with beauty and perfection, that while it’s wonderful it’s momentary. Too many of us focus on that day. We go to great lengths to pick everything out to fit perfectly. But we don’t take that same time to plan our lives together in the marriage. My children have been to a ton of weddings, but one day my daughter , who is 12, said to me “how come people don’t plan their life together like they plan their weddings? They get through the ceremony and 2 months later, it’s as if they forgot the beauty of that one day”. If you want a peaceful day, do it kid free. Go with your first mind.
Comment by Chosen — April 29, 2006 @ 5:03 pm
Oh…and just a note about Soul Mates. What you found is so true. Biblically it’s what Adam and Eve were. There is such a willingness to work out any issue because you can’t see yourself without YOU. A soul mate is you in the opposite sex. Every woman is CREATED specifically for one man. There are not more than one soul mate for a person–(great deception) But there is that one.In our ministry we have several couples who are and to watch them is amazing. One can think a thing and the other will answer it. It appears that you may be one of the few blessed people who have actually waited for yours. Be Blessed.
Comment by Chosen — April 29, 2006 @ 5:15 pm
I’m torn myself. I know kids can be badasses but I also think it depends on the type of wedding you’re hosting. Is it black tie, is it an afternoon wedding etc. My cousin had a black tie wedding in Miami last April and kids were invited but my aunt organized a babysitter and it just so happens that the one couple sitting at my table that I didn’t know opted not to put their child with the babysitter. She was bored out of her mind of course and acted up.
I think parents have the responsiblity in making sure their children are well behaved in adult settings.
we are having a late afternoon wedding and reception. It’s just one bad cousin that I’m worried about. I think I’ll send my cousin (mother of bad child) an email and ask her if her kids are invited does she think they will be okay or will their ADD/ADHD present a problem on long day.
Comment by Honest — April 30, 2006 @ 5:31 pm
Gosh my spelling sucked in that comment. My bad!
I rarely notice spelling.
Comment by The Hostess — May 1, 2006 @ 5:29 pm
I had to stop and read this because I just googled the term soul mate the other night. What you have written here really speaks to me. Very well done.
Comment by **RPM** — May 2, 2006 @ 5:27 pm
I think kids should witness weddings, and see examples of how they are supposed to live their life.
Comment by Jez Chill — May 2, 2006 @ 8:23 pm