THE ART OF WAR

It’s ridiculous, its unfair, it just ain’t right, how easy it is to push folks buttons. I wouldn’t let someone know I’d read and became upset by their words- not even in an attempt to “call them out.”

I should become a flute player because I just played a certain aspiring yet elderly film maker like a FLUTE!! The one that controls your emotions controls YOU!!

I hope she makes her films in the backwoods of wherever, because if she could jump into my obvious snare with both eyes open, she won’t have a chance of making it in a city with a population over 10.

HA HA HA!!

So simple, far too simple. The simpleness of the conquest actually deprived me of some of the pleasure. I require a worthy opponent. Everybody ain’t hood, some of them are country. She certainly ain’t no Southern Belle. Whether she is ghettohood or ghetto country the reaction will be the same.

Let the games began while I grab my strings. The strings I use to control the moves of my puppet.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

P.S. White folks are mushy (press your finger in their arm and watch it leave a mark) and while I don’t have the stomach to look at one, I’m sure a white mans penis is pink.

Do you know what Sunday is?

Sunday July 1? It’s our very first wedding ANNIVERSARY!! Hmmm… I’ve never thought about it before but why is it called wedding anniversary and not marriage anniversary? Is it because you are married everyday, and your anniversary recognizes the actual day of the wedding but not the marriage? Is it because your marriage should be celebrated every day but the event that got you to the marriage gets acknowledgement annually. And if you can’t say 1st annual, why can you say 1st anniversary. Okay what I wrote doesn’t make much sense to me either, I’ll have to give it more thought.

Time flies when you are having fun and one year of marriage has gone by at a rapid pace. It has been great and I feel like its getting better.

MY REFLECTIONS

I have thoroughly enjoyed our first year of marriage. Life feels great right now and promising for the future. I’d say 98% of our first year has been incredibly smooth and a great experience. We have grown as a couple and as individuals. The 2% unsmooth part was valuable because we figured out how to argue within marriage. It also made it clear that we will work whatever out and we’ll get through everything together.

I wonder is if we will see such growth in the next 5 years or so. My husband has taken on the role of my fitness instructor (he’s certified) and before we started running he told me that the gains I made would be significant in the beginning but as I progressed and got in better shape they wouldn’t seem so major. We will need to incorporate sprints to see progress (or something like that). I wonder if that works in marriage. We’ll be in such good shape from our early strength training/newlywed days that the gains we make in the future won’t seem as huge.

Prior to getting married we spent at most 5 full months together. Before that we were long distance. I’d visit for maybe a week at the longest. We were together as a couple less than 2 years prior to marrying. Maybe I should be amazed that starting life together once married started out smooth and is still smooth? I am not. We expected things to be smooth and they have been. That is not to say we didn’t have to adjust, but we accomplished it with ease.

We did marital counseling after about 5 months of marriage and it was fantabulous. I would certainly recommend that. Pre-marital is okay, if you talk during dating, pre-marital is mostly review, nothing groundbreaking, unless of course you discover while there that you don’t know the person you are marrying and have different plans for your future. But marital counseling had value. It helped us see areas of difficulty we might have been unaware of and wouldn’t have known how to deal with. It also drove home the point for me that the situations I set up now would be the one I’d have to live with forever, so be careful what I asked for. That type of stuff didn’t occur to me as a newlywed.

The first year as a foundation is no joke. Build that foundation well and everything else can be laid right. While I feel like everything was smooth this first year, I feel much more equipped for our future. There is so much I’ve learned about my husband, myself and what works for us. Things have felt more breezy as time has progressed.

Anyway I’m a strong believer in compatibility not compromise. We are very compatible. We want the best for each other and fortunately that seems to fit well together.

We go to church together, fast together, believe together, and I love it when he prays. It’s crazy, but I never put on my list a man that can pray with me or for me or pray at all. I have a cousin and that was major for her but I never valued it. I’m grateful God was looking out for me because I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on a praying spouse.

God was really looking out for me because there are so many things I never even knew I should have wanted or needed in a mate, but he gave them all to me in a package that loves, adores and values me.

And I can cater to my man. I’m proud to say it -I have a man whose feet I don’t mind putting in a foot bath and then lotioning up. When I’m done his feet are all smooth and soft. I clip and file his nails and I love to rub his head. I don’t even know the price of gas and since July 1, 2006 the only time I’ve pumped gas, was when I went to the gas station with my mother. My sweetums always brings me the car with gas in it and if I bring it back on E, he fills it up again. When he’s near, I don’t even get near a door. I haven’t had to carry anything heavy in many moons. So many things that I often don’t even notice. He inspires me to be better. He supports, encourages and actively helps me in accomplishing my goals, whether they be fitness, personal, business, whatever they are he helps me develop a plan and tells me I can do and he works with me to get it done.

I’m grateful for this man. He spent months eating and seeming to enjoy my cooking while I learned to cook. He said it was the love that I put in it that mattered and he continuosly encoraged and complimented me. When I finally got pork chops right he bragged to everyone. He cooks very well so he’s also taught me a lot.

He just walked in the door, turned the radio on, pulled me close for a dance and lip-sang a Prince song to me. Newlywed life is grand.

Signing off to enjoy the last couple of days of our first year. Tonight I will remember to give thanks to God for creating, nuturing, keeping and sending me his blessing.

Edit: I really wasn’t trying to get all mushy, but I shall leave it as it is.

Last night I realized our life is quite similiar to a television show. And just like a t.v. series the crew stays together.

We moved to the Westside, more than 20 miles away from our former home in the eastside. That isn’t far but it was far enough that folks wouldn’t just drop by, they would call first.

One of hubsters best friends since childhood lives over in Ladera, and is close enough for spur of the moment video games and golf. I was pleased with that.

Soon after we moved, my husbands childhood friend -the one that owns the clothing store- opened another store near our new neighborhood. This store is a “partnership” with two of husbands other childhood friends. So what does that mean for us? Husbands crew is now in door knock distance.

Last night one of the guys invited us to a spoken word spot next door to their store. We went and had a lot of fun. The spot was a clothing store and the owners host an art haven (fashion show, spoken word, singing, art showing, improv, share your thoughts) event once a month. It felt so Love Jones.

I’m glad we went.

We drove to the Bay this weekend and took the Poetic Justice route, that would be the 101 pacific coast highway. It was a beautiful drive. I love Monterey and the Salinas Valley but I think I was napping when we hit that stretch of the coast.

THE START

On Friday I arrived at hubsters job, and walked into his office happy and excited beacause I was a little early. I tend to run late, it was a gorgeous day and conducive to a happy mood. The traffic on the 405 was a mess but I was able to take the side road and I arrived in quick time.

IN SYNC

We usually take the 5 when driving between L.A. an Oakland, because its a shorter drive. When I got into hubsters office I asked if we could take the 101- since it was such a pretty day. Turns out hubby had been thinking that we should take the same highway because it was a nice day. It feels great to be in sync.

THE DRIVE

The 101 is a gorgeous drive. Much of it is along the ocean and moutains and there are lots of cute houses, quaint towns and antique shops. We passed multiple state beaches, including Pismo Beach, the city of Santa Barbara, wineries and horse and cattle ranches overlooking the ocean and beaches.

The air felt so clear and so clean.

FUTURE 101 Plans

As we drove my husband had me take a few location notes. We are planning a couples weekend. Yippee. We’re going to hook up with a 1 or 2 other couples, take a limo up the coast and spend the weekend going to different wineries and retire to a hotel, hopefully one overlooking a beach. The limo will allow us to go from winery to winery without the need for a DD.

I plan to spend an afternoon at a coastal location, perhaps browse an antique shop, lunch at a beachside cafe, maybe a spa service and shopping. Hopefully I’ll find someone (female) to join me.

I love the Coast.

WORK

I’m back to work pretty much full time. I was trying to ease my way back into work mode but that plan didn’t happen. As long as I remain organized, I won’t get overwhelmed.

DINNER

I planned to make oxtails tonight but I was in bed when that thought crossed my mind. I would have needed ot take the meat out the freezer on Monday so I cuold season them last night and put them on today. So that will hopefully be Thursday’s meal.

PORK.

I think I’m done with pork. It’s my husbands fault for telling me about worms as I’m in the middle of my pork chop. I looked at the white meat and suddenly all I could see was white worms moving about. As I sat there with a tummy ache, near tears, he asked if I was going to finish it and then he ate my porkchop.

This body is going to bear children one day. I don’t want my babies to have to live amongst worms. EWWWWEEEEEEE.

But I adore ham and bacon and sausage and yes my New Year Chitterlings.

NO MORE PORK- EV-VER!!

Each time I look at the cute floor mat, designed with a purse and evening gowns, in our closet I think how wonderful it is to be a lady.

I’m here now looking at my pink mini notebook. The book has a drawing of a pink dress and green belt. Next to that is my note pad which is a green summer dress with pink flowes. On the refigerator lives a pink note pad, with a ribbon and a pink & green hat on the bottom. I can appreciate the cuteness of pink. I can be pleased when I’m done cleaning and the bathroon smells of orange pine-sol and sparkles.

I can take time putting heat rollers in my hair and watching the spectacular fall of the curls. I can put on dangerously high heels, my Audrey Hepburn shades, grab an oversized handbag and go daintily about my day.

A pretty dress with a cheerful skirt can bring a smile to my face. The pink roses hubster brings me can brighten my day. I can hold hands and link arms with my man, my mother, my sister, my cousins and even my girlfriends and no one will frown.

I can throw myself in my sweetums arms and not fret he might fall or stumble, I can wriggle even deeper into the cuddle and fall asleep in his embrace (although if my head scarf falls off, its goodbye to straight hair cuz I hate to interrupt my sleep to put it back on). I don’t have to touch icky door handles or open the car door.

I can talk on the phone forever and ever about nothing. I can walk through the airport with my lime green knit shirt, lime green duffle, lime green purse and be fab.

I did decorate our main bathroom in blue in honor of my honey but the office bathroom is pink and green.

Everytime I spend a weekend with the girls I’m amazed by the amount of beauty and pamper products, and clothes and shoes that appear. When 3 of my sorors came to Long Beach for our regional conference the room and bathroom had enough lotions, creams, potions, irons, and shoes for 20 people. I went to their room to get dressed for the gala and spent the night there, I brought nothing and I needed nada.

Going to my sisters house, to dinner or riding together to our chapter meetings is automatic fun. I still like to look through her closets and admire her home. I guess once a little sister, always a liitle sister, but sisters add to the joy of being a lady.

It is the bestest thing to be a lady!! When you add the joy of girlfriends, sisters, and beauty products, it quadruples the pleasure.

The Ant and the Contact Lens: a true story.

Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite
cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather
during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope
snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens. “Great”, she
thought.
“Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and
hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry.”

She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the
ledge. But it just wasn’t there.

She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She
prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her
clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm
now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not
clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible
verse “The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.”

She thought, “Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know
every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is.
Please help me.”

Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the
cliff they met another party of
climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them
shouted out, “Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?”

Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the
climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of
the rock, carrying it!

The story doesn’t end there. Brenda’s father is a cartoonist.
When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the
contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with
the caption, “Lord, I don’t know why You want me to carry this thing. I
can’t eat it, and it’s awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to
do, I’ll carry it for You.”

I think it would do all of us some good to say, “God, I don’t
know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and
It’s awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will.”

Once again pre-marital counseling class was great. The 2 hours flew by. Our instructor did a time check and no one would answer, after repeating the question someone finally told her after 9. No on mentioned that it was 10 after 9. She asked could she go longer. We all eagerly said yes, please do. We left after 9:30. What we are learning is great.

The class is really an eye opener and inspiring. We attend and leave feeling more confident and blessed about our commitment, and feel positive and encouraged about our choice.

I’m guessing a couple that might not need to marry might discover that fact through the class and if they don’t they may marry and have a great foundation to build a successful marriage.

A few weeks ago my guy told his mom and me that he believed God had sent me to him. I’ve been saying for a long time that my guy was born for me. Literally born for me because according to our birthdates, his parents conceived him a couple days after my birth. Yes I am marrying a younger man. I guess that’s Hollywood.

In last nights class we did temperament tests. The were 4 temperments. My guy was a doer and relator, I was influencer and thinker. We then discussed the strengths & weaknesses of each temperament and types of environments these temperaments did well in and what they sought to avoid.

We discussed strategies to complement each others temperament. One of the other couples had duel temperaments which created other complications but they were also given strategies on complementing each other.

We kept it biblical by reognizing that each person was designed by God and “God don’t make junk.” We recognized that it is not our place to try to change people, that only they can change themselves.

Since we can only control ourselves, the strategies gave ideas on how to maintain happiness when facing your partners natural dispositions.

One scenario was- you are married to a doer. You are having a dinner party scheduled to began at 6. Guests begin arriving early, but your mate is mowing the lawn. Doers are focused, they need to complete tasks and get the job done.

How do you respond? Tryin ang to get the doer to do something different, frustrates the doer. Getting in their way and attempting to prevent them also creates problems.

Someone responded that you greet the guests and allow the doer to complete his task. They were correct.

We understood that a real doer would have planned ahead, but the strategy of avoiding the conflict and supporting your partner was loud and clear.

Another couple were both doers and their strategy was to plan to have a 3rd person who liked to host available to meet and greet the guests, because it is inevitable that the doers will get wrapped up in tasks and be insensitive to guests. Doers also steam roll over people and seem insensitive in their goal to get the job done. But it isn’t personal.

We did scenarios for each temperament and discovered good ways to make sure everyone’s environment is enhanced.

My guy and I were pleased to discover the results of our temperant tests. Our weaknesses are the other persons strengths, and what we need to do to complement the other person are within our temperament patterns.