THE ART OF WAR

Do you know what Sunday is?

Sunday July 1? It’s our very first wedding ANNIVERSARY!! Hmmm… I’ve never thought about it before but why is it called wedding anniversary and not marriage anniversary? Is it because you are married everyday, and your anniversary recognizes the actual day of the wedding but not the marriage? Is it because your marriage should be celebrated every day but the event that got you to the marriage gets acknowledgement annually. And if you can’t say 1st annual, why can you say 1st anniversary. Okay what I wrote doesn’t make much sense to me either, I’ll have to give it more thought.

Time flies when you are having fun and one year of marriage has gone by at a rapid pace. It has been great and I feel like its getting better.

MY REFLECTIONS

I have thoroughly enjoyed our first year of marriage. Life feels great right now and promising for the future. I’d say 98% of our first year has been incredibly smooth and a great experience. We have grown as a couple and as individuals. The 2% unsmooth part was valuable because we figured out how to argue within marriage. It also made it clear that we will work whatever out and we’ll get through everything together.

I wonder is if we will see such growth in the next 5 years or so. My husband has taken on the role of my fitness instructor (he’s certified) and before we started running he told me that the gains I made would be significant in the beginning but as I progressed and got in better shape they wouldn’t seem so major. We will need to incorporate sprints to see progress (or something like that). I wonder if that works in marriage. We’ll be in such good shape from our early strength training/newlywed days that the gains we make in the future won’t seem as huge.

Prior to getting married we spent at most 5 full months together. Before that we were long distance. I’d visit for maybe a week at the longest. We were together as a couple less than 2 years prior to marrying. Maybe I should be amazed that starting life together once married started out smooth and is still smooth? I am not. We expected things to be smooth and they have been. That is not to say we didn’t have to adjust, but we accomplished it with ease.

We did marital counseling after about 5 months of marriage and it was fantabulous. I would certainly recommend that. Pre-marital is okay, if you talk during dating, pre-marital is mostly review, nothing groundbreaking, unless of course you discover while there that you don’t know the person you are marrying and have different plans for your future. But marital counseling had value. It helped us see areas of difficulty we might have been unaware of and wouldn’t have known how to deal with. It also drove home the point for me that the situations I set up now would be the one I’d have to live with forever, so be careful what I asked for. That type of stuff didn’t occur to me as a newlywed.

The first year as a foundation is no joke. Build that foundation well and everything else can be laid right. While I feel like everything was smooth this first year, I feel much more equipped for our future. There is so much I’ve learned about my husband, myself and what works for us. Things have felt more breezy as time has progressed.

Anyway I’m a strong believer in compatibility not compromise. We are very compatible. We want the best for each other and fortunately that seems to fit well together.

We go to church together, fast together, believe together, and I love it when he prays. It’s crazy, but I never put on my list a man that can pray with me or for me or pray at all. I have a cousin and that was major for her but I never valued it. I’m grateful God was looking out for me because I wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on a praying spouse.

God was really looking out for me because there are so many things I never even knew I should have wanted or needed in a mate, but he gave them all to me in a package that loves, adores and values me.

And I can cater to my man. I’m proud to say it -I have a man whose feet I don’t mind putting in a foot bath and then lotioning up. When I’m done his feet are all smooth and soft. I clip and file his nails and I love to rub his head. I don’t even know the price of gas and since July 1, 2006 the only time I’ve pumped gas, was when I went to the gas station with my mother. My sweetums always brings me the car with gas in it and if I bring it back on E, he fills it up again. When he’s near, I don’t even get near a door. I haven’t had to carry anything heavy in many moons. So many things that I often don’t even notice. He inspires me to be better. He supports, encourages and actively helps me in accomplishing my goals, whether they be fitness, personal, business, whatever they are he helps me develop a plan and tells me I can do and he works with me to get it done.

I’m grateful for this man. He spent months eating and seeming to enjoy my cooking while I learned to cook. He said it was the love that I put in it that mattered and he continuosly encoraged and complimented me. When I finally got pork chops right he bragged to everyone. He cooks very well so he’s also taught me a lot.

He just walked in the door, turned the radio on, pulled me close for a dance and lip-sang a Prince song to me. Newlywed life is grand.

Signing off to enjoy the last couple of days of our first year. Tonight I will remember to give thanks to God for creating, nuturing, keeping and sending me his blessing.

Edit: I really wasn’t trying to get all mushy, but I shall leave it as it is.

Once again pre-marital counseling class was great. The 2 hours flew by. Our instructor did a time check and no one would answer, after repeating the question someone finally told her after 9. No on mentioned that it was 10 after 9. She asked could she go longer. We all eagerly said yes, please do. We left after 9:30. What we are learning is great.

The class is really an eye opener and inspiring. We attend and leave feeling more confident and blessed about our commitment, and feel positive and encouraged about our choice.

I’m guessing a couple that might not need to marry might discover that fact through the class and if they don’t they may marry and have a great foundation to build a successful marriage.

A few weeks ago my guy told his mom and me that he believed God had sent me to him. I’ve been saying for a long time that my guy was born for me. Literally born for me because according to our birthdates, his parents conceived him a couple days after my birth. Yes I am marrying a younger man. I guess that’s Hollywood.

In last nights class we did temperament tests. The were 4 temperments. My guy was a doer and relator, I was influencer and thinker. We then discussed the strengths & weaknesses of each temperament and types of environments these temperaments did well in and what they sought to avoid.

We discussed strategies to complement each others temperament. One of the other couples had duel temperaments which created other complications but they were also given strategies on complementing each other.

We kept it biblical by reognizing that each person was designed by God and “God don’t make junk.” We recognized that it is not our place to try to change people, that only they can change themselves.

Since we can only control ourselves, the strategies gave ideas on how to maintain happiness when facing your partners natural dispositions.

One scenario was- you are married to a doer. You are having a dinner party scheduled to began at 6. Guests begin arriving early, but your mate is mowing the lawn. Doers are focused, they need to complete tasks and get the job done.

How do you respond? Tryin ang to get the doer to do something different, frustrates the doer. Getting in their way and attempting to prevent them also creates problems.

Someone responded that you greet the guests and allow the doer to complete his task. They were correct.

We understood that a real doer would have planned ahead, but the strategy of avoiding the conflict and supporting your partner was loud and clear.

Another couple were both doers and their strategy was to plan to have a 3rd person who liked to host available to meet and greet the guests, because it is inevitable that the doers will get wrapped up in tasks and be insensitive to guests. Doers also steam roll over people and seem insensitive in their goal to get the job done. But it isn’t personal.

We did scenarios for each temperament and discovered good ways to make sure everyone’s environment is enhanced.

My guy and I were pleased to discover the results of our temperant tests. Our weaknesses are the other persons strengths, and what we need to do to complement the other person are within our temperament patterns.